The Art of Chat

I am unspeakably indebted to my body clock. It has served me well through 12 years of school, and the number of times I've been late can probably be counted using the fingers on one hand. I have never been more aware of its accuracy then during the time I was in Ladang. I'd always set my alarm clock for an insanely early time, but would inexplicably awake a little before that, so I've never actually had to shut the alarm off in that frenzied just-got-up state. It gives me time to compose myself for the day. The same cannot be said during weekends. I mean yes, I do wake up earlier than I need to, but something convinces me that I have all the time in the world to catch another minute or two of shuteye, and by the time I do get out of bed, it's usually in the aforementioned frenzied state because I have half an hour to get dressed and get myself to wherever it is I need to be. Such was the case today when, at 1130, I rushed myself over to Kushin Bo, Great World City, for a Japanese Buffet Lunch with Sean, Javier and Yew Jin. For the price we paid, the food there is of a quality far higher than comparably priced buffets we've been to, such as Hanabi, King's Arcade. I particularly enjoyed the dessert spread. Post-lunch, it was drinks at Starbucks, where I continued my coffee abstinance and had floral tea, along with chat. Hence the title of my post.

I've mentioned more than once that the art of chatting is highly underrated. It costs nothing, and yet is entirely rewarding. Normally the only thing lacking is more time to indulge in it. That's probably why I really enjoy stayovers and vacations abroad; they permit extended periods of just talking. Nevertheless, there's some stuff from today's chat that got me thinking. I shall revert to the trusty 'ol numbering method.

1. I was told about the peer review formal survey ranking thingy for command school. It was strange because while I was writing peer appraisals, I actually came up with a list in my head already, trying to figure out who I thought would make good commander (ie OCS in my dictionary). There were always a few people whom I believed would be absolute shoo-ins, such as Weidi, Benedict, David and Michael (whom I will never forget how amused and amazed I was at his ability to have a completely lucid conversation with me about returning my helmet netting while starting on the run after just completing 11 SOC obstacles), and I'd venture to guess that they were reviewed in that manner. Same goes for the opposite end of the spectrum. And if I find the time, I'll post the appraisals I wrote, just like I did my farewell letter, here and/or FB.

2. So during the course of the conversation it was mentioned that one's enthusiasm for the NS experience gets watered down after actually going through army life for a while. Whose doesn't? Well the answer to that question is simple - those who are, in fact, the shoo-ins I've mentioned. This group also encompasses those whom I never thought were the most enthused about it and yet are breezing through. Suffice to say I've been impressed on more than one occassion.

Like I mentioned, I'll be on course until the 17th. My batchmates graduate on the 11th, and their block leave extends till the 22nd. So to make sure I at least have time off that coincides with them for a few days, I'll be taking 3 days' leave immediately after my course, so with weekends, I'll match 7 of their 11 days.

Finally, the results of most UCAS apps have come in completely, and my absent LSE outcome seems like an anomaly. Still, any reason to be hopeful is good. And the first PSC Scholarship offers have been made, and to those I know, my congratulations. As of now, I shan't bore you again with the reason for me not having gone for my second interview (I've probably ranted about it to most already, in all it's detailed glory), and just quote from the email I was sent regarding this - "You should be scheduled for the interview in late March or early April". As with many things, like the results of my EE and English A1 remarkings (my TOK grade wasn't upped unfortunately), my fingers are tightly crossed!

Soul Searching Amidst Constant Change

It wouldn't be entirely accurate, but there is some significance to the saying that a person is the sum of his experiences. In my opinion, there's one other important factor - chronology. I have found that there is something to be said about the sequence in which one experiences life that makes it all the more poignant. That has moulded my perspective of events this year so far. Today (it being slightly past midnight), we shall live through the last day of February, very quickly entering the third month. It now has begun to feel like it's a new year all in its own, and I'm quite looking forward, albeit with some wary anticipation, to what lies in store. Some things I can expect, many others I can't, and as with other unknowns in the past, I would not have it any other way.

My friends will very soon graduate from BMT the following Wednesday in a Passing Out Parade that is sure to be a fulfilling ceremony. Right now, the only things I have in common with them are 6 weeks on Tekong and the same date when all this ends, 7th November 2010. As to whether I've come to any resolution with regards to how I feel about the direction I should be taking, I discover that there might be something to staying in my current place of work for a while. That does not change my constant search for how to position myself better for changes of a positive nature, as I've been doing without fail, increasing my awareness and all. But office work is at least something I can ease into, with all it's stereotypical oddities like finding the Recruit section of the newspaper interesting and finding new meaning in performing at-your-desk-in-your-office-chair-blood-circulating exercises.

I was given a bit of a reprieve this morning when I took half a day off to attend ACS' 123rd Founder's Day Thanksgiving Service, where my year mates and I received our academic awards for the IB exams. I was sitting next to Gerald in the 43 points row, whom I talked to about everything from the army to American Idol during most of the service, and we were kind of marooned because to our left and right were seats left vacant by our absent classmates. To our front were Agi, Elliot and Patrick, and Mai way back in the perfect scorers' aisle rounded up the head count from our class. I left immediately after our year's awards were given out instead of staying for the citations and joining them for lunch because I had to get back to work during the second half of the day. It was nice to see some familiar faces in a familiar environment again though, including my year 4 classmates Yew Jin and Elendrus. Altogether it really doesn't come up to more than 2 handfuls of friends I know well enough to speak to comfortably, but that doesn't take away from the pleasant time spent there. Additionally, while backstage, I met Mrs Mervyln Goh, who told me that she had just shown my IOC script for King Lear Extract 18 to her current class (nice to know I have left a little legacy of some sort), and I also dropped off my request for a referral from her. This is for NUS' USP; I have a place in FASS.

Next week heralds a little more change; I'm meant to be on course, and I'm not too sure what to expect from it. I probably won't blog as much because what time I don't spend there will be spent doing productive stuff like finishing up Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon's The Watchmen before catching the movie. Though I won't be at my friends' POP, I look forward to meeting all of them again once I finish my course and while they're still on block leave.

6 days after the IB exams, I could hardly remember what they were like. So occupied had my days been that I managed to sink into a new lifestyle of leisure within no time. 2 posts prior to the one documenting that thought, I mentioned that I would not let these 22 months mar my enjoyment of those brilliant weeks, and to the fullest extent that was how it worked out. Now I stand at a point almost a full 2 months into 2009 and I find some similarities with that period, seeing as it has been 5 days since I left Ladang behind me prematurely. I'm now faced with an entirely new routine, though seamless isn't exactly how I would put my adjustment to it. Keeping it an arm's length away just as you would hold out an unpleasant piece of meat is more like it. Back then, I probably foresaw myself excelling as those before me had. Quite the opposite I'm afraid to report, and while it was a choice I made in an informed, independent manner with zero regrets, it was certainly not what I had envisioned it to be; such is the unexpected way life turns out, as it has been in all my years. The one thing I know is that, out of this, I will know with no doubt that it was the best direction. Each course of action I've taken and each road walked down when I had to make a choice between so many has turned out to be the one where I've experienced most. Same goes for now. I've experienced enhanced BMT in probably the best Coy, a mix of white horse status and driven, vivacious and fierce trainers, been out of course just before field camp and hence went through the most arduous part of being out of training (not one bit of that work I frown upon, for if I managed to help my friends even in the tiniest, though they may not know it, I'm glad; but if I have to hear the words 'jerry can' again I might collapse), worked in Ladang's HQ where things were revealed to me in astonishing depth and detail, did the most boring of duties (sentry) and had all the privileges of a perm staff, and while my posting has a rather undesirable title, I met a superior who has placed me in service doing nothing that resembles it. Uninspiring, but probably better than most (not to say I've not made sure I'm aware of the other options and taken steps to position myself suitably). Amidst all this is the constant thought of not letting the chance to get back onto my original route, say in April. This is the one thing I will need to think the most about, and I shall be devoting the rest of my week to that. Right now, even blogging hasn't helped me figure it out yet, which says something of how intensely unresolved I am.

Spending extended periods of time with the same group of people forms bonds naturally, but with certain conditions, primarily inherent nature and history. That explains why I'm always deeply impacted when leaving groups of people, most recently reflected in the letter I posted on Facebook. These sentiments are a trend I see in my interaction with people in the most significant of my experiences. Somehow I don't quite envision the same where I am now. I'm glad to have met Chong Wee and his new friend (and their temporary superior), my upper study but they'll only be around for a while, and the other 'J' who, with myself and my superior, make up the office people doing actual office work (the LO seems to be no where as versed as us or the other Officers I've met in my time who seem conversant at everything they're doing).

I think I shall refrain from blogging until I've finished resolving that matter above. There are other things to report though, like Friday's Founder's Day, but I think they'll have to wait till late this Sunday, when hopefully I'll be in a more collected frame of mind and the other plans I've committed (some completed) and put into action this week have progressed.

Apart from this, I've enquired about writing for the army, like my 3 seniors, once, once and twice removed respectively. What I'm doing now is pretty uninspiring. 

The routine I spoke about a few posts ago has now been replaced by a different, and hopefully more pleasant one. By pleasant I mean being able to have more of my life lived as I would want it, rather than putting it on hold for as long. All that I would have wanted to say about NS has been summed up in my previous post, though it hardly even begins to express the thoughts I've had. That will come another time, perhaps when I'm not as caught up with using every minute of time I have not in the army to do my own thing. A bonus is being able to follow AMI regularly now. The first 3 members of the top 12, Danny, Michael and Alexis, are pretty deserving. 

This evening I joined Josh, Sophie, Charmaine, Daniel, Shi Ping and Nat at Fusion 2009, featuring the Planetshakers. There was a lot to take away from it, though it isn't something that can be articulated in a blog to the same effect. What was interesting though was the fact that I realized I have now joined the ranks of the older folk, which make up a minority, as compared to the many secondary school members of the BMC party there. 

To finish, here's a little excerpt from the book (apart from the highway code which doens't really count) I have yet to finish, George Orwell's Why I Write, which I find rather illuminating: 

"Looking back through the last page or two, I see that I have made it appear as though my motives in writing are wholly public-spirited. I don't want to leave that as the final impression. All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery. Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand."

The presence of the Official Secrets Act means any blogging about sensitive stuff is frowned upon. But that is only a partial reason for my silence about NS over the past 6 weeks. Here I document them, verbatim, in a letter that now sits adhesed to the table of my ex-bunk.

"For Andrew, Chang Ming, Ming Yu, David, Jian Boon, Yong Yao, Wei Xuan and Wilson:

When you return from the range this evening, the 8 of you will be the remaining members of our section. I would have made up bed J4201 for the last time, preparing for a different experience in my new posting at Ayer Rajah. To be honest, I never planned for any of this. It had always been my intention to complete enhanced BMT and move on to OCS, just as my closest friends and seniors have done. But during my 19 days in training, my conditions which had never affected me in normal life began acting up quite badly, which explains why it is that, more often than not, I was on status, and eventually decided to exit the course. In some sense, it was an incredibly difficult decision to make, because it meant that I would be abandoning the prestige that comes with being an officer. More importantly though, it means I will no longer share in the sense of fulfillment that comes with finishing the course with you guys. Come March 11th, you will graduate after having Route Marched 24km. This will be both a walk down the lane of the achievements you've made in the course, as well as a march towards many bright prospects in your NS days to come. Do spare a thought for me, your ex-section mate and IC, for I will definitely be sending you my warmest regards as you move on to complete our 22 months of service before 7th Nov 2010.

I have one philosophy in life - to live with no regrets. But in this case I'll make an exception. If I leave not having gotten to know you properly as friends, I sincerely apologise for not having made a better effort. That is the one thing I would change if I could turn back time and relive these 6 weeks. Though I probably never showed it, I'm thankful to have been in this section rather than any other.

So today, I leave enriched for having met some awesome bunkmates, and more importantly, made some amazing new friends. Do send my regards to the rest of our platoon, especially the friends I've made like Michael, Jarrod and Zhenlin, and to our 5 brilliant commanders. And add me on MSN or Facebook!

Remember to call or SMS me whenever you plan a section outing, 'cos I'll definitely want to be there. (Andrew/Jian Boon, I'll be waiting for your car to pick me up!)

Godspeed, and Thanks For The Memories,
John Leo Caines (or JLC, since my friends call me that)
91179730
jlcdg@hotmail.com
Proud member of J 4/2
8th Jan - 19th Feb 2009

P.S.: Do make use of the hangers and toilet paper I left behind."

Having successfully caught up with what I've been missing out on AMI, here is the list of the Top 36:

Anoop Desai, Von Smith, Alex Wagner Trugman, Adam Lambert, Taylor Vaifanua, Jasmine Murray, Arianna Afsar, Casey Carlson, Megan Corkrey, Mishabonna Henson, Stevie Wright, Felicia Barton, Kendall Beard, Kristin McNamara, Alexis Grace, Scott MacIntyre, Lil Rounds, Jesse Langseth, Nick Mitchell, Jacie Tohn, Tatiana Del Toro, Nathaniel Marshall, Jeanine Vailes, Kai Kalama, Anne Marie Boskovich, Kris Allen, Michael Sarver, Matt Breitzke, Danny Gokey, Ricky Braddy, Matt Giraud, Ju'not Joyner, Jorge Nunez, Brent Keith, Stephen Fowloer and Allison Iraheta. 

My first brush with Valentine's day was in 2005. Barely a month in a new school, I must confess that I was a little taken aback by the immense effort everyone seemed to be putting into commemorating the event. Nevertheless, I hopped on the bandwagon and did what I could to reciprocate all the pretty gifts. 2006, back in a guys' school, the contrast could not be more stark. The 2 years in IB saw more Valentine's activity, though nothing on the scale of my one year in a school where guys made up just a quarter of the cohort.

This was my first year out and about town on V Day, and it was quite strange seeing teenagers hawking roses along Orchard Road and couples that could not be any older than 16 carrying stuffed toys the size of golden retrievers trooping down the avenue. It did offer me the chance to spot new pairings of those I recognize that I had not known about before. I would bet money that one of those I saw noticed me as well, but pretended not to and didn't acknowledge. Probably because few knew about his new lady friend and was planning to keep a low profile, I did him a favour and promptly let those whom I know will spread the word in on the news.

One sore point about putting my life on hold so long is the lack of American Idol. Other shows I follow I can live without, as I did back during the exam period. AI, however, is different. I shall make the effort to catch up this evening.

2009 seems to be a pretty good year for movies after all.

Routines seep into your lifestyle subtly. It's a matter of being aware of them and choosing whether or not you want them to be part of your current experience of living. For me, I have chosen to let 3 cycles of 3-day living and 6-day pauses run their cause. I'm more or less at the heart of this routine now, and it is turning out pretty good. When I finally do get around to writing about the resolutions I made when I made that important decision, it'll all be clear. For now, only those I've chosen to tell know.

Day 1 out was spent at Harry's, Rail Mall with Jim, Mong, Joash and Elliot. A short catch-up, hopefully with longer ones to come. I'm still on my alcohol-coffee abstinance thingy if you were wondering.

I've been shuffled into the second round of Board Interviews because of over-scheduling. Now I'll be with the rest of the A Level kids once their results come out, which could be a good and bad thing. As with most others, I'll try to steer it in the former direction. I have reason to believe it will, from my experience of the year so far.

I'll be remarking all the 3 things I didn't score fully in. That will be the last thing I put pen to paper for before I allow the rest of my applicatios to find closure. Then I'll decide whether to begin a whole new round of this. I regret none of the time, effort or money spent so far. It has been a learning journey in itself, UCAS, Common App, TSA, International Interview, SATs 1 and 2, NUS, PSC, Psychological Interview, and everything else.

I attended the second post-pre-tertiary cell group this morning, now a regular occurrence meant to start at 9 but really begins at 930, which is when I'll be going from now on; that was followed by the 1030 service, which will also be a regular thing from now on. There, I met Mervyn who is now a regular member of the service as well. I did a grocery run to stock up on food for when I put my life on hold for the next few days. I try to block out most of the stuff that goes on while there, but I found one thing quite funny, if only because it applies to me in a positive sense; replace the last two lines of the chorus of Kelly Clarkson's A Moment Like This (some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this) with 'some people wait 2 years; i wait 1 year 10 months'. Tongue-in-cheek, but true, and am I ever glad for it (it's actually another 21 months, whenever it is I finish it). And I hope to be able to give early notice of overseas leave to be able to attend this year's church camp in Desaru. Let's hope that works out. 

I met Deon on the bus on the way to lunch at Essential Brew, Holland Village, where we were joined by Sean, Yew Jin and Javier, in celebration of Deon's 19th birthday. It was a wonderful time of catching up, but I had to leave earlier and make my way to Swissotel, The Stamford, for the Foreign Service Scholarship Tea Session, where I met Stuart, Sarah, Willy and some others I know. The rest of the evening was spent shopping and dining in Raffles City. The second day back to my life has been pleasant, as has the first. Tomorrow, the 3rd, should be equally so. 

My heartiest congratulations to Melodie for her LSE acceptance. I deserve none of the thanks she posted on her blog but I'm happy for my fellow UCAS-crazy-during-prelims classmate. I'm still waiting for the result of my LSE application, and I do hope I get it soon, no matter what the outcome. I'm wondering if I should attend the above-pictured thingy; I probably will if I get a positive response by then, so fingers crossed. 

Now, back to my numbered points as has been the feature of my blog for a while now: 

1. Epochal changes have taken place over the last 11 days. With an entire month of 2009 behind me, my perspective is still being altered with each experience, which is as it should be. 6 days into February and I'm beginning to appreciate just how different this year is gonna be. Out of all this, however, the one moment that is stuck in my memory is of the day when, in the company's store, my eyes chanced upon a copy of Irvine Welsh's 1993 breakthrough novel, Trainspotting. The incongruity of this text in this setting notwithstanding, I began thumbing through the book before I stopped at a section titled The First Shag After A Long Time, and I now appreciate the genius of the book, even if this part isn't the most noticeable amidst the unconventional narrative style and all that. I'll end my post with a little excerpt. 

2. I'm waiting for a number of dates and outcomes (like the LSE one mentioned), but out of all of them (and there are quite a few of different natures), arguably the one I'm most anxious about is the PSC board interview. Originally meant to be this Monday, the 9th of Feb, I've received an email saying it has been postponed, and I've been waiting for an update ever since. I've spent a lot of time trying to prepare for that over the past 11 days. 

3. Probably because I attended the inaugural S. Rajaratnam lecture on Foreign Policy given by the President last year, I received a call from the MFA, and I'll be attending their tea session tomorrow afternoon, after Deon's birthday lunch. Of all the ministries, this is with no shadow of a doubt the one I'm most passionate about. 

4. There is no experience like riding in the back of a military 5-tonner 8 times a day for 6 days. Having my back slammed into its sides continuously has meant a nagging ache which I will get checked out, possibly with prospects for Sunday to Tuesday thereafter. 

5. I sat in Josh's former office seat yesterday, and it reminded me of how my initial direction has been changed completely. It was an all or nothing thing, and I'm glad I started with the former, but circumstances are different now. I also met Josh Tay, Andrew and Jun Jie, all from church, on the ferry out after lunch. 

6. What can one do with 5 extra hours? Quite a bit actually. I've cleared my email accounts and other regular internet stuff (a process that usually takes an hour each day, so accumulating 11 days' worth of it and being able to finish it already is rather remarkable I must say), made plans for tomorrow, and will be on the way out to do a spot of shopping with a planned shopping list in mind - order contact lenses, buy wet wipes and other miscellaneous supplies for next week, a box of coloured pencils, headwear, footwear and gifts. All this before the rest get out. Let life resume earlier (and perhaps end later?) than first thought. 

"He woke to the sound of cutlery clinking and the smell of bacon frying. He caught a glare of the back of a woman, not Dianne, disappearing into a small kitchen which was just off the living room. Then he felt a spasm of fear as he heard a man's voice. The last thing Renton wanted to hear, hungover, in a strange place, wearing only his keks, was a male voice. He played at being asleep. 

Surreptitiously, under his eyelids, he noted a guy about his height, maybe smaller, edging into the kitchen. Although they spoke in low voices, he could still hear them. 

- So Dianne brought another friend back, the man said. Renton didn't like the slightly mocking intonation on the term 'friend'. 

- Mmm. But shush. Don't you start being unpleasant, and jumping to the wrong conclusions again. 

He heard them coming back into the front room, then leaving it. Quickly, he pulled on his t-shirt and jumper. Then he unzipped the bag and threw his legs off the couch and jumped into his jeans, almost in one movement. Folding the sleeping-bag neatly, he stuck the settee's displaced cushions back where they belonged. His socks and trainers were smelly as he put them on. He hoped, but in a futility that was obvious to him, that nobody else noticed. 

Renton was too nervy to feel badly wasted. He was aware of the hangover though; it lurked in the shadows of his psyche like an infinitely patient mugger, just biding its time before coming out to stomp him. 

- Hello. The woman who wasn't Dianne came back in. 

She was pretty with nice big eyes and a fine, pointed jawline. He thought he recognized her face from somewhere. 

- Hiya. Ah'm Mark, by the way, he said. She declined to introduce herself. Instead, she sought some more information about him. 

- So you're a friend of Dianne's? Her tone was slightly aggressive. Renton decided to play safe and tell a lie which wouldn't sound too blatant, and therefore could be delivered with some conviction. The problem was that he had developed the junky's skill of lying with conviction and could now lie more convincingly than he told the truth. He faltered, thinking that you can always take the junky out of the punter before you can the junky."

From Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting, p. 143-4, Vintage series.