Winter's almost here/No, I want 10 cents

So the post to end what has been the larger part of the year. Where do I even begin? It's not as if I haven't been reflectively introspective to the point of other-worldliness, so I wonder if any of what I'm gonna write is even fresh reading. Let's give it a shot.

I've developed some new habits in 09. I look at my desktop clock, my watch and my calendar too often. I take aimless walks around parts of Singapore I think I know, but really don't. And I've started reading good books and writing in my expensive but long-abandoned notebooks. All these have very similar causes; I have responded to the year's experiences in ways I never had expected. I truthfully thought I had it all together when 09 began. Wide-eyed and on the crest of having put myself out there, the first few days alone shook the very foundations of my universe. Reality was far less imaginable, and more daunting for it. Did I react appropriately? Sometimes, and sometimes not. All I know is, had it not been for the combination of seeming hopelessness and epiphany, I would not have made it to this point, so much more in zen-esque moderation.

Sitting here typing this as I spend the last day of my nine months looking back on them, events seem to melt into one another, with a few brilliant spots of punctuation. Church Camp and YMLC, in particular, have made this year memorable spiritually. I know there are tons of things I could be using my time, but ministry seems just about right. Similarly, the fourth quarter of 09 will be highlighted by YAM Camp, and possibly FL Camp and VBC if opportunity presents itself.

I suppose a mix of short-termism and macro perspective will serve me well, as we all walk towards the end of a decade of being able to say twenty-o-something.

Delayed Gratification/Music Tuesday

Tomorrow's post was meant to be all-encompassing, seeing as we would be sitting collectively on the precipice of Q4, 2009. Today, though, we savour the dimming light that surely heralds a newer, brighter, more brilliant day, life to it's fullest even while staring at the imminence of what we read.

Come 24.10.2009 will be the last time I get to wear my trusty Nike+Human Race 2008 tee since I wasn't able to get a spot in this year's race. Bleh, no nice new Nike tee and other freebies!

Today, I lost an angel

I arrived home 5 minutes shy of spending 12 hours away, at work and traveling to/from work. Such neat division invites introspection, at least with regards to my planned use of time. Out of the 12 hours a day I have to myself, I unfortunately spend a good part of that sleeping, sometimes as bad as more than 6 hours (gasp). "It's hard to say I'd rather be awake when I'm asleep/'cos everything is never as it seems" (still addicted to Owl City as you can see) The rest is split between doing church work, and everything else. Time will come when this would not be enough to give me a sense of achievement. For now, though, I'm glad to have the space to do as I please.

"61kg, and with honest to goodness abs"

I returned home feeling much better than when I left, because I don't really like not having plans on Sundays and because I wasn't sure how I'd fare at frisbee. Attending answered/solved both problems/questions in a pretty satisfying way. Dinner and meeting a new friend were welcome bonuses. Plus my first electronic album by Owl City adds that psychedelic surreal tinge to everything.

I am shocked and flattered

A quiet Sunday morning with a smaller-than-usual cell group, a youth pastor with a hilarious laugh sitting in as he has on multiple other meetings, and a noisy service with less company and more reminders of me not serving in CM anymore.

No lunch, but yes frisbee. One half. Maybe reversed in future because I do not have a school or professional team to call home.

That you cared. And that you care. I suppose.

Won't Someone Stop This Train

There's a point in the middle of one's weekend when one fully immerses oneself in its freedom.

Somehow seeing or buying something associated or related gives solidity to memory or the illusion of making something better.

And the conversation yesterday with Daryl and Paul was amazing. Better than chocolate, alcohol and that other thing.

Wanting to go, yet always thinking of coming back. Coming back to you.

Live Like We're Dying

Last night I:
-Almost decided not to go cycling, especially since TGN wasn't going
-Was asked fundamental questions about my faith which I tried my best in my capacity as a leader to answer
-Left early expressly to coach today, after receiving 4 sms-es from paul amounting to an essay
-Had to affix my bicycle back light haphazardly to the wheel 'cos it unfortunately came off

This morning I:
-Put on my contacts at 6am, prepped for coaching including researching motions and all, then died at 7am
-Had a fitful sleep until 1149 because of calls and sms-es, including sending out an unreadable one to Xin Quan

This afternoon I:
-Had lunch with Sean and Xin Quan and went to Xin Quan's house
-Played mahjong with them and Ronald

Now, I:
-Find myself dreading the short week after this long weekend less than in previous experience

And all that jazz, without the photos

Few instances struck me enough to inspire a blog post this week, as filled and quite peaceful as it has been. Last night, I rode back home in a cab with Jim. It had been a long time since I last saw him or any of my classmates. 2 Wednesdays from now, my airport send-off obligations will be complete. Will it mean that, with fewer of us around, the gatherings will dwindle, as they have dangerously done so? When it arrives and to the best of my ability, I want to make the last quarter of 2009 as amazing as last year's was.

Your message, read then unread

Shakin' up Sundays

"I run to You..."/Afterglow

Rarely have I attended large-scale events if I don't know anyone there. In fact, memory has only one other instance to conjure up - CAP '04, where I honestly knew not a soul and made some amazing friends of the the most artsy-fartsy variety (where else would you have gatherings at night at the grounds of Yusoff Hall in NUS to sing, or find attending an Indian Dance workshop, a poetry workshop involving each poet writing a poem about a small elephant figurine we were each given, and then attending mime rehearsal all in the same day perfectly normal?)

It's not that I didn't know anyone at YMLC 2009; it's more like if I hadn't known anyone, it wouldn't have made a difference. I consider it a privilege to have met my mentor group mates, along with others who have just casually made a connection, such as at a 6:30am prayer meeting. strains of locally-recorded and sometimes locally-written tracks exuding peace in the background. It is a pity that I have only come to YMLC so late in my church life, but what better time than it's 10th anniversary. Already I can't wait for the next one next year which will commemorate the 125th anniversary of the Methodist Church in Singapore.

Most memorable part of those 3 amazing days? Staying up with 3 of my apartment roomies from all 3 young-persons-ministries just to talk about the past and the prospects before us.

On the outside, we're no different from any other young adults in Singapore. Yes, we are leaders in ministry, and yes, we kind of represent only one part of the social fabric (strata?), and above all, we definitely have our hang-ups just like anyone else, perhaps even more! But in the company of people so passionate, it doesn't matter what crowd of friends you come from or how large or small your church community is; there is a sense of warmth and welcome, of communal fervor and of common cause. We the redeemed, in the afterglow of having met together, have but one belief - that change is gonna come =)

Hungover

Exchanged the town for more of a village, a hypermart for a convenience store, transport for a walk, nets for credit, house brand for pedigree. An early Saturday morning spent watching US Open tennis, something I don't think I'll have over the next 3 days up North, along with the usual weekend's slow tempo. In exchange, something far more meaningful in store I should think.

Everybody wants a piece of him

I woke up this morning to 3 messages, all having to do with the conference or camp in one way or another. That, for me, is a good way to start the day.

It seems rather wasteful not to spend Friday night out and about the town, seeing as once I return on next week there really isn't more than a few hours before work.

Would you sing along?

I say autumn, you say fall

Everyone has some things which keep them grounded. For me, returning to the familiar helps. Pulling out my NJ PE shorts and orientation tee, or the WOW tee we wore during the hard labour in thailand to wear at home, or the pre-dryfit NJ PE tee which only us real oldies who've seen it all back in the day have for frisbee each sunday. Or setting the morning's alarm clock to exactly the same time each weekday morning so that everything moves like clockwork to the second up to stepping into my office after an essential cup of Teh-O, non-negotiable. Or sighing a TGIF heavenward at the happy inevitability of saturday (which I shall at about 4 tomorrow evening (afternoon?).

Parting my hair to the right with sweeps and pats of the hands

In the world as I have known it up to this year, today is Teachers' Day. However, I do not have a teacher at the moment, and the first day of September and Fall 2009 was spent mostly on a bus seat listening to Miley Cyrus.

This evening I have to prepare for tomorrow's YAM Camp Comm meeting by,
(a) typing the scores for the songs for Worship, and
(b) redoing my Sub-Comm deadlines (or rather, redo Worship and do Prayer)

I have to remember to take leave on Monday for YMLC, which I'm very much looking forward to right now.

It is an oddity of society that if I sit at the non-reserved-for-needy-passengers seat in the 2-seater section of the train, I don't get any attention; if I sit on the reserved seat of this same 2-seater, I am frowned upon with the same intensity as if I had just contributed to the enlarging of the hole in the ozone layer.