Not Bending Over Backwards Anymore I Hope

So Wolverine tomorrow at Plaza Sing will be shown in two theatres at the same time, and I have tickets in both.

I arrive at the end of April on the back of some of the most earth-shaking things to have happened to me. Even on the last day of the month today I have encountered a new and daunting challenge I shall have to maneuver in the coming days. But I have experienced quite a bit of individual growth too, first with Holy Week, which marked the beginning of a process I've tried to continue even up to this week. It's hard to fathom that I'm a third of the way into 2009 already. Soon those fortunate enough will be pursuing their studies this year; others will graduate to greater things in the SAF; still more will drift out of my life. I, however, see myself in quite a static position at the moment. I do think about grand plans to put into motion while I'm still here (as in here, in the country, and here, in the circumstances I'm in), though I'm also drawn to the opportunity to relish what unexpected blessings come my way, and there have been many, and just continue in this attitude of faith I've been taught many times this year, not least while I was still in Ladang. I do hope when I finally embark on the rest of my education that I have some substantial work experience and have developed, both tangibly and in abstract, in ways both expected and (especially) unimaginable. Perhaps it's the last Teen year syndrome or something, but age, and the promises it brings yet unforeseen, is something I see in an odd new light.

The First Few Minutes

As midnight dawned and passed as I walked home slowly, my mind flitted from one thought to another that the past week or two has been filled with. These first few minutes of being 19 Years and 1 Day old have been peaceful ones, as I take stock of what has happened in this month, and particularly on my birthday that just passed. Friends, music, food, chat, laughs - human contact that is perhaps the most precious of all things in this existence and experience. As my month of April draws to a close yet again, and I move on in this grown-up number by which I now identify myself, may the days, weeks and months ahead be extrapolations of this, especially in this interim in life which I've been dealt.

Turning 19

The human experience, filled with it's vicissitudes, is a blessing. How much so is up to you. Everything I've wanted to say I've written on this faithful outlet; whatever I haven't blogged about (despite mentioning that April, like Aprils before this, would be abundant with posts) I have reasons for keeping it from this public domain. I'm the sort of person who is both incredibly individualistic and yet cannot possibly live more than a day without interaction with others. Oscillating between these two extremes makes life, for me at least, something new, always changing, and always and forever unexpected.

This week began with me in quite a fatigued state of mind; having half a day off to visit a public specialist was welcome. Midweek (Wednesday), my regular lunch kakis (Paul, Daryl, Chong Wee) and I had dinner at Shokudo, Raffles City followed by dessert at Ben & Jerry's, a day after Free Cone Day 2009. Thursday evening was spent with Sam on his last day before enlistment, with Paul, Josh, Mike, Al and Val in Holland Village, first at Mykii, then at Breko's. Friday (today, the eve in other words) was a day off work (funny, the first birthday greeting I received was from my boss's boss's boss), spent catching up on about 20% of my intended readings, then at dinner with Daryl and Chong Wee (I messaged Paul, Melodie and Han An too, though they were unable to join us for various reasons). Tomorrow's plans begin with my second visit to my own specialist, lunch with the folks, tea with Paul and Sean and finally dinner with my closer 4/11 mates. I'm thinking of trying to get the 6/9 peeps to hang out this Sunday because of the whole book-out business, and I'll start messaging either tonight or tomorrow morning.

Making plans is important only because it results in spending time in the company of friends, and if getting to that end comes about either through spontaneity or meticulous rigour, so let it be!

And now with 19 years to my name, a few points of note:

1. Never has the fact that I'm a 22-month NS kid been more important; I shall not, as many will be surprised (and equally many entirely expecting) to know, be furthering my studies this year. It would seem an overseas education in 2010 or a local one in 2011 is the path laid out for me.

2. It is only after days of discussion, consideration and calls that I have decided, not in an entirely be-all-end-all way, but with some degree of finality, that at least for now, I am a PSC Scholar. The SGS (Open) offer will be added to the now hefty list of unexpected (would disappointing be more accurate?) turns of events that the first 4 months of 2009 have been filled with.

What a weekend cannot not have...

1. A Friday Night spent with friends, this particular one at Holland Village, first at Crystal Jade Kitchen for dinner with Mike, Sam, Paul and Al, then at Essential Brew 'cos I was visiting Jo. All this ending with a Team C stay over at Sam's place.

2. A lazy Saturday morning, this one watching the last few minutes of Slumdog Millionaire, followed by supporting the ACIB debate team at this year's MIDC quarts/semis (this after dropping by training on Wednesday and having dinner with those mentioned above plus Josh), dinner with Paul at Pasta De Waraku, and a night's worth of activity with my classmates, namely Cielo, Nic, Patrick, Lex, Joash, Agi and Chun Wui, first over Hyper Bishi Bashi, then bowling and finally drinks and pizza at Paulana Munchen, Milennia Walk. Nights really should be of this variety - ending at 3 and spent entirely in good company.

3. Sunday lunch, this time with Clarence, Xin Quan, Ron and ET, then pool at a lounge in IOI Plaza and some gaming at Paradiz Centre. I'm more inclined to the former activity, not because I show any particular aptitude at pool (because I'm on form about 5% of the time), but because of the social interaction it provides that the latter can't.

So it's the last weekend before I turn 19. In actuality, I've lived 18 years and 51 weeks, so the day after my 19th will actually be the first day of my 20th year of existence. That's an oddly large number in my opinion, so I shall be focussing on the fact that I'm still 18 for the next few days, after which 19 will be the number of choice. And what a choice number it will be, 'cos if the momentous things that I've experienced during this month are anything to go by, 19's gonna be one heck of year in my life, right up there with the rest of the best of them.

Slowly Finding A Place

I have and probably always will dread going to work. This does not in the least mean I'm not thankful for where I am. I have equal portions of both emotions, but I'm learning more of the latter. The routine's more or less there right now - tea in the morning with the boss (I finally made it to the 'regular' list of customers at the beverage kiosk; I now have a 'usual'!), A pretty quick first half of the day, lunch with Paul and Daryl, a longer second half of the day, where I usually forget to take a break and get really hungry around 4ish and dig into my bag for food, then do as much as I can before my boss insists I leave the rest for the next day, finally meeting Daryl and Chong Wee at the bus stop. This evening we went for dinner in Potong Pasir. I'm one who really likes using the time I have outside work to the maximum, which includes not sleeping much and loads of going out, never more so than in the last days of being youthfully 18. Better than refreshing Facebook every few seconds I suppose. Kidding, there's significance in that too.

All that is Found and Felt on a Sunday

For me, it has been a week like no other. I haven't decided if writing about it will add to or take away from what I've experienced. It's all been about personal spiritual and relational growth. There have been other times when I wanted to do something like this, but never really did. This time, the catalyst midweek and the fact that it was Holy Week made it entirely appropriate. I think I come out a better person. I've finished Lenting my computer, and I find I am perfectly able to survive without all the time-consuming activities that the web offers. This week has been filled with activities of the spirit, and I think I've come up with some things to fill up my time with of different, yet constructive, natures.

The problem with setting strange standards for myself when I blog means that sometimes I hesitate to post if what I'm gonna write is not something I think is worth reading again. I've been more reflective than I've ever been, perhaps even more enigmatic because of it. Still, the promise I made myself all those years ago not to abandon this habit is something I will try to keep until the day computers decide to turn on their human inventors a la Terminator and I can no longer keep this up.

I shall still document the stuff I did just for memory's sake. This Wednesday was a test of nerves, and though I've only ever experienced one other professional interview, it was of an equally immense calibre. Saturday's one was different, and I think my view of these things is kinda jaded, and hence found it oddly care-free. I met some really nice ppl in that interview room as well, which is always a good thing. Thursday night was spent at the Night Safari with the ip04 ppl, Louisa, Colin, Mer, Maricelle and Joel. I hope my long phone call just before the Creatures of the Night show didn't distract. Friday was the long-awaited 4/11 outing which Xin Quan and I, with Ron's help, had been tirelessly putting together since a week before, and after numerous texts later, the 3 of us met Elendrus, Jit Wei, Sean, Chang Yun, Yew Jin, Daniel, Stuart, Justin and Mervyn at Marina Square, first for lunch at Kenny Rogers, then Pool, then a film (Knowing), dinner and finally hopping over to the Esplanade to take in an acappella performance (SPH's anniversary performances at the waterfront stage) and a chocolate high at Max Brenner's. To follow the trend, (classes from 05-07), I met Song Yeong, Nic, Elliot, Gerald, Patrick, Chun Wui and Lex on Saturday, primarily to shop for army stuff for those who haven't gone in, then for a film (Fast and Furious 4), and dinner/dessert. So to Joel, Justin, Elliot and Gerald, along with Jake, and Gareth and Guo Nian who went in on Saturday, you have my warmest regards over the next 2 weeks or so. See you on the other side of confinement!

so to cap off another trilogy of posts

I guess it's different with you because there's always the fact I've come to know of and which makes it a possibility. Though of course I won't ever really know until I ask. Time and frequency of contact don't seem to have had the same effect as with others. The way we looked for stuff to say was endearing. 

You finally did

which is all that matters.

You said we'd call to catch up

but you didn't.

Always Learning, Always Getting Better

I met Sean, Yew Jin, Javier and Deon at Pepperoni, Greenwoods for lunch. We arrived about an hour before opening, but the eventual pizza we ordered was incredible value for money, and we adjourned to Estivo for gelato thereafter. Sean and I went to town for a spot of shopping and finally tea at Din Tai Fung, Wisma Atria.

While chatting, I said that I cannot live with a sense of entitlement that as of recent times been a subject I've witnessed. Just because one has unblemished grades does not mean a University owes you a place; just because you have gone through shit in command school does not accord you automatic respect from those around you. As different as both are, they must be earned.

I have received more disappointing news in the last 5 months than in any other period of my life, and I recognize that these, as with many other things both good and bad, will become memories of varying intensities with the passage of time. I have also learnt that finding content in these times amplifies joy, because the honest truth is this: that everyone I know, myself included, has so so much to look back on, look at and look forward to with a smile.

When Nostalgia is a Good Thing

1. I couldn't have hoped for a better time with the 05ip04 people. In terms of dynamic, time really hasn't changed much, and I laughed just as hard as I did during the first day of Induction all those years ago. A good-sized gathering (Joel, Jo Lynn, Joanna, Colin, Wei Liang, Ying Ting, Maricelle, Mel Tee, Mer, Zhi Rong and I) at Marche, VivoCity, with a chat sitting by the artificial ponds to follow. Looking forward to Night Safari!

2. Coincidentally, while meeting the NJ kids this evening, I'll be meeting the regular Saturday Lunch gang behind NJ at Greenwoods tomorrow; it should be a nice visit to a place I used to go to almost weekly during my stay in IP for Gelato study/chat sessions.

3. While at work yesterday I managed to read all 170 pages of Rites of Passage: An OCS Story, a history of OCS which, apparently, was given to Josh's batch during their commissioning dining-in. In its opening pages, readers are told that the foundational criteria for being selected to be trained as an Officer are "aptitude, interest and potential for developing military leadership competencies". While reading that it occurred to me that two words make that incongruous with my person. The first is 'interest', because when applied to everything in that sentence bar one, isn't any problem. That then brings me to the second troublesome term, 'military', for reasons probably obvious to anyone who has ever met me.

"A Long Time Coming"

So the title of this post is in inverted commas because I actually wrote it out while at work today (I think a few people whom I've spoken to at length about this will know what I'm referring to, most recently Daryl whom I've met during lunch and after office hours over the past 2 days for chat). In the annals of my trusty notebook (notebooks to be precise, though the current MFA one I've been carrying for 2 months is the most substantial) you will find thoughts that have only been translated onto this blog in part. Very very few make it here at all actually, apart from this. So not to bore you, I shall instead write a little about blogging in general. For me, it's not just writing feels sort of resolving; reading what other's write is something I find incredibly engaging. It gives me glimpses into the lives of people I know and care about. I'm not the ardent blog surfer of my younger days, but when I do come across engaging writing I've decided to link it on the right side here. Recently in particular, I've enjoyed Paul's post (which I'm glad to have partly made an influence on), Elliot's post which encapsulates the incredibly hilarious writing style of the blog (I mean, schizophrenic pizza? That's a simile right there), and Tommy's because it is always a pleasant surprise to find someone who faithfully recounts and reflects so regularly these days. 

Ok heck, I'll just hurry past what I had intended to blog about - I still remember coming out for the psych interview on my 14th (of 16) days of confinement and feeling like everything was going as it should when I got my 9th feb date for the board immediately after. The email that popped up above THAT about the delay from which I've quoted here sent me into a tailspin, and to shorten a painful story, it's been 2 months coming; I'm (this next adjective has taken me a quite a few minutes to place my finger on, and really, it's merely the closest I can find to articulate everything in my head right now) excited for Wednesday. 

Speaking of which

I really appreciate the effort we put into meeting up so regularly. Last night was no exception, when I met Cheryl, Cielo, Elliot, Nic and Gerald for dinner at Alaturka, Arab Street, for a night's worth of Turkish food and relaxing conversation. I especially like the spontaneity of it; we should absolutely keep this up.