Tomorrow morning my friends graduate (I'm quite looking forward to the innumerable Facebook photo albums actually), and Ladang will, hopefully for the large majority of us, be little more than a memory. I mentioned that around this time and event I would reflect, finding my centre in all of this, what might have been, what I honestly want, what I am content with. I can't say everything, because it is sensitive, but that is not entirely why this won't be a long post; I find myself unable to articulate everything, because truthfully, I am in a paradox of sorts. Things are as they should be, and things could be completely different in ways I have and have not imagined, all dependent on what I did, do, and will do. I toyed with the idea of writing stuff I've penned down over the weeks, but that too has had its time and place; today I decide to leave that as it is, instead blogging directly from thought to word, without much distilling. I have a few more days of this course, and I think I'll have done well to gone through it in its entirety despite it being wholly unpleasant. I have been all at once focussed on everything to do with my academic future, and managed to steer my mind to experiencing more of the moment, finding ways to spend my time that are calming, enjoyable, memorable and developmental (?). I've never marginalized any perspective, subjective or objective, when making decisions, and I apply that to things I'm going through now, which at times occupy my thoughts a little too much. That I'm mentioning them indicates their significance, but that they are mentioned alongside others shows how I'm living differently, more varied, more of everything. Essentially to experience, because that is truly enough.
Asking Han An and Melodie out for dinner this evening was part of that; the day (or night rather) on which I decided to do it is important too. I was wanting to use my free evenings, and yes the past weeks have been well spent, but this was the variety of experience that I've been directing myself towards. We met at Paragon, for dinner at Din Tai Fung and dessert at DessertStory. To me, it's the effort to remain close, be it through remembering memories past or talking about the future in all it's unknown appeal. More of that will certainly be in the books (or blog posts to be precise).
