this post is all about my decision to take english A1 -
i kinda decided that it'd be the subject of ranting for this post because of the ongoing mock IOPs in strand 2 classes nowadays, and its really kinda made me think...

first off, today was an exceptionally good day for IOPs..
my classmates are totally beginning to see what's gonna get them the 25marks and above after watching the first few (poor us, the highest was only 23), and some have been exceptional...
i thought things really kicked in during ted kin's presentation, which i personally feel was technically the most sound so far.. and i totally agree with what mr connor said after our second class today, that his was the presentation that most resembled a well-developed main IOP...
nic was really rehearsed, but in a way that is absolutely flluent...
its best to listen to him with your eyes closed or staring at something redundant, coz you fully concentrate on the dynamics of what he's saying...
but i reckon the presentation that most surprised me was by far and beyond gerald's...
coz when gerald's normally speaking, particularly when he's excited, he's got this really cute (ok maybe cute isn't the most appropriate description given the circumstances, but just imagine an excited hamster, or something - in a good way of course!) way of stuttering before finishing whatever it is he's saying...
but if he was nervous (which i definitely think he wasn't in the least), there was no trace...
the entire presentation flowed flawlessly, and i finally realized why he's an RMUN alumnus (i was never in his council in '06)
and it reminded me of how some debaters speak, which is an extremely good thing...
if i were bjc i would have given him 5 for language and 10 for presentation, seriously...
but the 26 was miles ahead of what i got already, so yeah...

so as you might have imagined, i'm in a state of absolute depression from all this...
seeing so many incredible, merited presentations, and then (naturally) comparing them to myself does little in the way of improving my self esteem for the real IOP...
and as an extension, my decision to take english A1 at higher level...
i know syeo told me that i could do well in it, but the IOPs haven't really reflected that, and i'm worried...
when i think about the work i'm gonna have to put in to get my desired grade, i'm really apprehensive...

something must be said about the merits of rehearsing and doing a presentation fresh...
i'm trying to find a way to not only sound like i've worked my arse off for it, but also add that fresh vibe to it not to seem like i'm regurgitating a memorised script...
its very much like what i try to bring to every debate as a speaker - the prepared part discussed during prep, and the new things i think about to add to the elaboration as i stand up there...

i think i've sufficiently kicked myself and internally yelled at myself for not performing up to expectations, and wondering why it is that all my experience in speaking, both argumentatively and academically, flew out the window on my birthday (my mock IOP day as well, coincidentally) this year...

but you live and learn...
i'm questioning my choice of doing GOST for the real thing, but i really think i have the most material for that...
hopefully HOPEFULLY it works out...
i need to get that kick out of english again from scoring what i know (or i think i know) i can...

the same applies to my dismal debating career this year...
during PC, we were writing an evaluation of ourselves (basically something like at the end of term 1 so that our CT/PCT, (who don't teach our class a single subject) can write an intelligent remark for our term reports...
and under CCA achievements, i realized i've only been a "semi-finalist" and "participant" in the 2 competitions i've taken part in so far...
i really need to feel that excitement again, but that really hinges on how well i improve over the next 2 months...
i've really been relying on auggie too much, who's been absolutely consistent...
the only bright side of it is that i think (or i hope at least) i've broken out of that rut/plateau i fell in after last year...
from what i can see from the previous training, i think i'm goin' in the right direction...

if there was any highlight of today it was, surprisingly, TOK...
i spent 80minutes just writing a reflection (it's really just an essay, with small words like "i think" thrown in for effect) on the emotions as a way of knowing...
i didn't turn to the TOK text or notes to structure it as i usually do (it's a safe option that gets marks), but just wrote as i felt, and i'm glad i had inspiration, though i can't quite pinpoint the source...
it turned out to be a rather funny little piece, and i'm almost done with it, but if i can bring myself to type it out, i'll post it here...
i hope it still gets me marks though...

finally, lakisha exited american idol today, and the semifinalists are pretty good...
i still am not a fan of jordin, and am hoping for her to exit next...

give it to me,
jlc(aines).