Wisdom > ...?

Paul and I met for dinner last evening at a Subway outlet where we had some time to chat; it was odd today during lunch not having him to talk to.

Weeknights are this twilight time when, even though there's more work in the morning, I kind of let myself forget for snatches of time of various lengths, enjoying the civility of things not related to the military. I do hope to move past just malls and restaurants as the weeks go by.

Life In Technicolor II/Now My Feet Don't Touch The Ground

One can only wish for every weekend to be as good as this one has been. Following friday night's dinner, Saturday's sunlit hours were spent in wondering around the North East of the island, marveling at how different it is from the rest of the metropolis that characterizes everywhere I frequent. A few years ago I remember having to spend a few days up in the North of the island, and I thought to myself that it felt like a totally different city altogether; I guess I can add this part of the country to make it 2 regions I know almost nothing about. I had a primary motive for this jaunt though, which was to get the necessary items for a birthday gift, which were a recordable DVD and gift wrap. These in hand, I trotted back home to burn this year's AMI studio recordings as Gerald's 19th birthday present. His significant other was throwing him a little surprise party at Red Dot Brewery, Dempsey Hill, and while I was a little afraid I'd be late, I met Joash, Patrick and the Cake on the bus there, which was a relief. The other surprisers (from our class; some others were there too) in attendance were Cheryl, Patrick Ong (math classmate I suppose), Gen, Mong and Elliot. Apart from the entirely successful nature of the surprise, it was brilliant meeting up again, keeping up the weekly get-togethers and resolving to continue our efforts.

Same applies for gatherings with the .11 folk, though not so frequently unfortunately. The 6 of us who sat in the front row of class + clarence met at plaza sing, some for lunch first, for Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian, which was a rather lackadaisical comedy but with moments that were good enough to distract and incite sufficient emotion to make it a film that wasn't a waste. Following, we played a few racks of pool before ending the day as evening drew near.

And that shall be the focal point of today's post. It's safe to say that there has not been a Sunday so far since this whole NS thingum started when I did not feel so different at the start and end of the day. Each Sunday morning when I awake to head to church, it's usually early, and I'm unbelievably glad at the time that stretches before me (Saturdays are slightly different 'cos I wake up real late). Usually I meet some friends after that, and we get to hang out till just before the dinner departure, either because of night book-ins or for whatever other work related reasons. And at the moment when we leave or people start leaving, this heavy heavy sinking feeling starts to make itself tangible. I'd like to think that I'm pretty emotionally mature; you will rarely see me react inappropriately (see: uncalled for) to anything at all. But I'm ridiculously sensitive to anything "impending", small or large. So even the thought of heading to work that strikes me every Sunday's end is quite the burden. That's the reason why I never leave until our gathering actually ends; spending time in the company of those you want to is perhaps the one thing that keeps me in temper now. I do miss the 3-times-a-week spontaneous dinners and stuff earlier this year, and will even more when my oeti camp mates whom I meet for lunch and the occasional post-work outing leave. I don't think it's a sensation that will ever go away, and Sunday's end will always for me be a time when memories feel strongest and all at once distract me from the coming week's work and remind me of the next weekend's (or occasional weekday evening's) gatherings that I will, with every fibre of my being, look forward to.

To fight and never walk away

Weekends for me begin on Friday when we clock out (well, not that romantically, but I prefer to think of it that way). I had time to head home and freshen up for an evening out, step out to town to buy the movie tickets for which I've been coordinating texts with Xin Quan, and finally meet Darius, Paul and Sean at Marina Square for dinner, where Darius and I exchanged mutual birthday gifts for our belated 19's.

That I would echo as they did and continue to do!

I forgot to mention 2 things about the PSC thingum - I found it pretty cool how each of us was given a lanyard with our names and country of study. And pointing out to my scholarships officer that she also manages my boss's son was an interesting point of connection.

I can still hardly believe the position I am in right now. If you told me I'd be in this odd place in life almost halfway into this year, I wouldn't believe you. It's kinda hard to explain, and perhaps even presumptuous of me, but that is exactly the state of mind when I was thinking about NS just weeks before it began. Here's how it's like in my head (allow me this little indulgence; I rarely like to repeat tropes on my blog, so this will, hopefully, be the last one, just to clear my head) :

(continued 19th21st may 2009; apt, I've been where I'm at for precisely 3 months now)

So I've delayed this for some time now, and AMI just ended, so allow me to postpone the above post till another day when I'm in a more suitable state of mind.

America was just cheated of a brilliant singer and performer, one who deserved the title from the first time he sang Bohemian Rhapsody during the audition (I TOLD you he reminds me of Mig Ayesa!). However, the AMI is without a shadow of a doubt the only winner (and dare I say, contestant?) so far that actually has the physical appearance for celebrity-dom - you can't say that his voice makes up for even the slightest lack of looks. (Update 23May'09: If you listen to their studio recordings of the winner's single, you'll discern the difference in the way they pronounce the word "boundaries"; adam sings "BOUN-DREYES", kris sings "BOUN-DREES".) The largest takeaway from the finale show was, for me, Jason Mraz. He can SING. And quite incredibly at that. I'm Yours was meant to be a laid back track, but he used it to show his chops when, very rarely, do guest performers sing better than the contestants.

More numbered points for the week ahead

1. Yesterday's PSC Tea was proof of what I've told many people about absolution and relativity - the group of us in attendance (as with the other 8 sessions) make up 10 of approximately 80 offered candidates who are all at once epitomes of the collective abilities and aspirations of a cohort (and by this you know what I mean; the officers in attendance never once mentioned any institution other than ACIB, RJ or HC) and yet not in the least representative of any possible majority.

2. On my Wednesday off this week I had toyed with the idea of writing a post about studies and timing, or put together, the timing of my studies, but I didn't because it would have been one of those posts about expectations and hindsight which I've been fond of whenever I meet with new directions which I would have anticipated and imagined differently. There are just two points to take away from it - that I have, with every inch of my being, wanted and tried my utmost to win the right to study in 2009 (I'm afforded the opportunity to study abroad in 2010, though I can decide not to hurry and study either abroad or locally in 2011), and that I won't be and it will with no doubt turn out to be the direction that I would not have changed for any other. I'm surprised to find myself caught up with local university admissions as I was with the overseas once not too long ago, and I continue to extend my congratulations to my friends and peers who have gained these, particularly to those who could very potentially be my faculty mates. I've mentioned that NUSMED, NUSLAW, Dentistry and Double Degree are the only courses I view in the same light as an overseas education that is worth fighting for. That I'm not in any of these 4 is simply and only because I chose not to throw my hat in the ring; it may be that FASS is not "becoming" of who I am, or that the reaction to me not having gotten a place in Oxford PPE is met with flattering flabbergasted-ness, but I will never allow myself to feel entitled to anything. I normally begin my response to all these related conversation topics and questions with "It's a funny story", and so I might as well tell of this tale here. I have 2 NUSLAW graduates as parents and am a rather involved debater with both trophies and experiences to speak of, and I blame no one for seeing a "NUSLAW" stamp on my forehead. I do not understand, however, the reasoning that prestige alone warrants trying. That's the same guiding principle for the above-named courses. I decided to accept the scholarship under the terms that I'd study in Singapore and read Arts and Social Sciences, the former because I think the only conditional offer I received from Durham (which is still up in the air because of an unanswered appeal query) was not sufficient, the latter because I had a choice between that or Law or Business, and I thought hey, why not do something with the breadth which I will really enjoy. So that's precisely what I plan to do if I do go ahead with the scholarship - read Literature or something I can really immerse myself in not just academically. Yet with many of those of my ilk who have local spaces as backups, the same applies to this NUSFASS-scholarship-study in 2011 circumstance I've placed myself in for now. If and when I do find it in myself to do this all over again, I do hope for better returns through a wiser, more discerned and optimum, rather than maximum as I think I did last time, approach.

Why it is that spontaneity is favoured

Because that's the kind of gathering where all present have decided that, for those few hours, there's no other place we'd want to spend our time. This is the only group whom I go out on such short notice with, on a constant and regular basis. Elliot, Patrick, Joash, Jim, Gen, Nic, Mong and I met at Holland Village for supper at Coffee Club, followed by an hour of Call of Duty 4 in town. Eventualities which I could not have foreseen just a few hours before, but a perk to the weekend that was entirely welcome.

1a.m. start to a weekend

So the first thing I do on my weekend is to finish a major case of overtime. I've had about 3 hours of sleep over the past 2 days, and I've been surviving on green tea and other edible items that have come my way at the office. No certain plans made, which makes the many possibilities of how the weekend is spent rather enticing.

Laptop On An Excursion

It's been dozens of months since my laptop last saw the light of the outside world. So sitting at Starbucks in Holland Village typing away is a nice feeling, something I've not had either the time or the purpose to do for a while now. (I have discovered, however, that I do not have a liking for Chai Tea; I'm struggling to finish my beverage) I've actually just come here after visiting Agi's pet store along the atas row of shops facing Chip Bee Gardens and bought some possibly superfluous stuff (some on JC's recommendation) for my house cat. I made my way to this part of the island after a morning spent in the east. My first stop was at the Expo, where I managed to take a few photos of the art installations around the compound. However, this was in spite of a Maritime Defence Convention which was being held at the Coffee Bean end of the complex, and the one structure that had first given me inspiration for this location all those years back happens to be precisely there. I was denied entry by a security person, which was to be expected. My next stop was to Tampines 1, or more accurately, Uniqlo. My want to visit the store stems not from the buzz around it here, but from the tasteful space in my copy of Monocle that advertised its Oxford Shirts from this season's collection. I wasn't able to find one in a colour and size of my liking, and so settled for one of their "The Eleven And The Only" Tees. I also managed to get the Coca-Cola glass from Macs which I've had a strange craving for, all for the incredibly low price of 5 bucks due to the 2-hour discount they have everyday during lunch. The 3 other things I might do today are get a Subway sandwich in preparation of a long day in the office tomorrow, watch Star Trek, and American Idol's satellite broadcast at 6. It's been a day off well spent I must say.

A little time off, at the expo if all goes to plan

This evening our IB Director sent my year an email asking us to fill in our offers from Universities and Scholarship Agencies. The file attached had my class on it, which got me thinking - instead of filling in the Excel Spreadsheet with all our names on it with just our own entries and mailing it back, why not do it as a class thing, so we get to update ourselves about where we're all going? I know I've already updated the blogosphere about where I stand, and I'm pretty curious to see where all the cool cats are going.

One of those things I can write on a Meme about myself is that I don't dream. Deliberately so. Thus, when I fell asleep this morning for 40 minutes in between breakfast/QT and leaving for work, it startled me to find that I could remember the dream I had in that time, frame for frame, and in colour. It was a strange storyline, though with characters I know personally but have not spoken to for a some time. What struck me the most was how I dreamt up characters who are stereotypes, like a TYPE of character whom I've met many of in my experience, and I recognized that these dream characters were meant to be stereotypes. Interesting.

Tomorrow I shall be going to the Expo for a little Recee trip, because I've been roped in by Nic to be part of the pre-CAP planning party for 2009, this 5 years after I went through the same programme. A chance to get in touch with that freely creative part of myself. Hopefully we can make it as liberating and out-there as my experience then. I remember one of the lecturers bringing to one plenary a collection of clay elephants from all over the world, and we wrote poetry inspired by them. Exhilirating in that Dead Poet's Society kind of way.

All Day Monday, Off Day Soon

1. Allow me to relate a little story about one of my boss's colleagues. 2 Saturdays ago, there was a charity fair held on the grounds of SJI Intl in aid of a hospice, where many of my school friends were in attendance. It was a spirited decision not to go in the end, because had I, I would have met said subject in a context other than work, and truth be told, I would have had no fathomable way of reacting naturally. She related to me the Monday after about intending to buy a hundred framed Catholic portraits, complete with little light bulbs along the margins. As if I were in doubt, she whipped one of Mother Mary out, an object of significant size, and my boss and her began to marvel over this gift she was presenting to one of our dear canteen vendors.

2. I have finally completed my AMI Studio collection for this season, as far as the episodes that have gone by are concerned. I am, however, missing one track, Anoop Desai's Always On My Mind, so if you happen to have it give me a holler.

Vesak; May 9th (and 10th); Strawberry Fields Forever

Harbouring an odd grin at the reminder of Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha on a sunny Vesak afternoon, I took a stroll down the other side of town, the lanes not so clustered with boutique after store after eatery. I've heard it said about me, but being a Town boy is both true and therapeutic.

Sam's place that evening was the location of Josh's surprise 21st Birthday party, a chance to meet up with friends all in the same location, including Miche, Val, Al, Paul, Adriel, Jake and Pet. It was an evening of hilarious hands of cards, catching up and Across The Universe, ending at 3 this morning. Funny how it is that, while new habits are developed and we are all in different places right now, it only seems to make it easier to interact. Pet and I were the only ones who made it to church this morning, and though I missed cell, there's something nice about just seeing everyone you'd expect to see there, especially if you or they have been missing one week or another, whether it's just to say hey at the familiarity, catch up a little, or mention future arrangements to meet up.

In an ideal world, I would have been furthering my studies in 2009. In my situation, there would have been a few ways of doing this. I could have applied to be a local medical student, which I didn't, as while I would have made a pretty strong candidate had I tried, it would be a little weird to have this pure arts kid doing something so foreign. That, and the fact that I'd not have much use of a medical degree. I could have applied to be an SAF scholar, or some other equivalent uniformed service in the home affairs ministry, but you couldn't honestly see me doing that. And I could have been a PSC scholar of a different nature, and while I threw all I had at it, I fell short by that much. So as my friends and peers begin their studies this year, there is little doubt I'd think about being in the same situation, either for want of trying or for the unexpected way trying turned out.

Live/Love/Sing/Dance.

I have had many brushes with university life, be it staying at NUS during CAP, attending countless fairs, going for inundating interviews, or receiving almost 2 dozen manila envelopes, each containing a yes, no or invitation of some sort from some institution of higher learning or related agency. However, the vast majority of these have been with an implicit assumption that my further studies would take place overseas. Local tertiary education was a back-up of some sort. I've mentioned that Law@NUS would have been my only real choice, though its prestige alone hasn't made me see it in the same light as the Unis overseas I deeply want.

Today's post, however, is about Law's slightly more scientific counterpart, NUSMED. A veritable convergence of passionate individuals keen on all that the hippocratic oath expounds. None of this, oddly enough, ever factored in my Uni considerations. I've never really known what course I wanted, but I've always known what I didn't want, and one of those was medicine. That being said, last night and this evening have been taken up squarely by the announcements, one after another, of my friends and peers who have so sought after this and have made it. The intensity with which they pursue this course is not unlike that seen in hungry carnivorous felines - primal and singular. I don't quite think any other acceptance season sees quite this much frenzy. So congratulations to my medical brethren; your MBBS-lined clinics and theatres I do hope I have privileged access to.

Untitled #05/05/09

theafroape entitles this photo "The Happy Factory"

A group of classmates, each in a different place, yet sharing 2 years of history, still going strong.

The Hours Just Go On and On Don't They

I hope I break it before it becomes a bad habit; today was the second time I left my iPod in my work drawer. Suppressing the general need to go "Pfft" at this small inconvenience, I do find myself less in need of traveling music ever since Holy Week, when I ran out of battery because of my computer abstinence. Nonetheless, music still is to me what being human is all about.

So the promised list, now that everything's in:

UCAS:

Philosophy, Politics & Economics (PPE), Oxford (TSA, The Oxford Interview): Unsuccessful

English Literature, King's College London: Unsuccessful

English Literature, University College London (UCL): Unsuccessful

English Literature, Durham University, St Cuthbert's Society: Conditional, Firm, Appealed, awaiting reply

Politics & Philosophy, London School of Economics & Political Science (LSE): Unsuccessful

Common App (SATs):

Political Science, New York University (NYU): Unsuccessful

Political Science, Harvard University: Unsuccessful

Political Science, Yale University: Unsuccessful

Local:

Arts & Social Sciences (FASS), National University of Singapore (NUS): Successful; FASS Scholarship/Award (Interview pending), Global Merit Scholarship (Applied, referral and all, awaiting news)

Business, Nanyang Technological University: Successful (Nanyang Scholarship, Interview invited; not sure about the rest I applied for)

Law (Bachelor of, LLB), Singapore Management University: Successful (All Scholarships applied for, no reply so far)

Public Service Commission 2009: Singapore Government Scholarship (Open)

Singapore Press Holdings (SPH): Application Complete, Awaiting this coming cycle for 2009/10 (this one deserves a 'heh', but it's entirely true; I would have totally submitted had it not been for their cycle that does not coincide with the rest of brightsparks/other local scholarship agencies)

So in one of the less climatic decisions I've made, now that I've mailed off the form accepting the conditions of studying Arts and Social Sciences in Singapore (one of three forms in the PSC envelope), I'll be accepting NUS' FASS offer after dinner.

A Sunday For Remembering, A Week Still Coming

Saturday was spent with the class kids (Chun Wui, Joash, Elliot, Mong, Cheryl, Jim, Gen Huong, Darren, Patrick, Justin, Nic, Agi, Mai and Cielo (with Jin)) mainly for dinner at Shokudo and the evening's drinks at Love The World, a "Soul Rock Bistro & Bar" at the Singapore Flyer. Saturday soon gave way to Sunday as I sat looking out a rain-obscured window, listlessly thinking about how, if I had the choice, I would wish for the coming week to never arrive, and just live in a state of memory, of things that I know and can expect, of experiences I've had and want to have again. I don't find this juvenile in the least; I think embracing this instinctive, almost primordial reaction gives one clarity of perspective in the longish walk of life, coupled with the constant, conscious reminder that it is also towards an unthinkable eternity.

May Day, the First, a Beginning and a Continuation

So the first day of May, a celebration of not labouring that gives it its name, fell quite nicely on a Friday this year, giving us who are under the employ of the SAF a much treasured 3-day weekend. Despite having the right to be entirely preoccupied with figuring some things out which had unfortunately been left unresolved at the end of the first 4 months, I decided that, no, along with not labouring, not being all there-something-way-bigger-I-need-to-deal-with would be the attitude I'd be taking for this weekend, and hopefully the weekends that come after.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a short and shallow movie with all the necessary characters to make it worth watching. In the end there were 8 of us there (Yew Jin, Ronald, Sean, Daniel, Clarence and Jit Wei in Hall 8, and Elendrus and I in Hall 9). Yew Jin, Sean, ET and I met for lunch earlier at Crystal Jade Kitchen, while Daniel, Clarence, ET and I met Xin Quan for pool at IOI Plaza after. To my surprise, the day ended incredibly early and without dinner, which explains me blogging at this hour, having just finished watching the the finale of this season of Heroes.

I'm not quite sure if I'm in any state of mind to start on this year's application cycle, seeing as I have only just ended the previous cycle which the more conscientious of us began in the heat of our final year exams and will finish with receiving all offers and rejections (I'm still waiting for one more, so I'll blog a final list once I get that). I once wrote that the sheer stress of doing all of this once over (UCAS with TSA and the Oxford interview, Common App and both SATs, and all Local Unis and scholarships, with any permutation of tests and interviews between them), from October 2008 to April 2009 (one must not forget the final exams which is part of the application process), was literally half a year of watching admissions portals, eagerly awaiting emails or standing by the mail box for that eagerly anticipated manila envelope. Not to be presumptuous, but when the final offer comes in, I will have a staggering number of unsuccessful attempts as compared to successful ones. But disappoint gives way to realization that, in spite of how unexpected things turn out, it is precisely why the experience of life is both within the limits of possibility and imagination and also utterly unimaginable.

Abstractions are the direction my posts take when I have time on my hands to blog. Still, that does not mean forgetting the simple blogging tradition of recount that makes reading interesting. I do hope to achieve such a balance from this post on.