when are the times that make you wish you had made a different choice?
or times which make you look around you and question the sincerity of the reality around you?
or just make you feel so blessed to be where you are rite now?
the past two days was days when i finally came to realize that there are some things i need to admit...
not only to ppl who i trust and still don't know,
but to myself, officially, on the blog which i've had since starting sec school...
i dun feel the need to start a priavte blog to share my feelings or encrypt entries with a password...
the ppl who visit are the ppl i noe, so yeah...

sonicfest last nite was a CLIMAX! even better than the already awesome first nite...
the crowd on thursday was 1500, but it was 4000 yesterday...
went there straight after cycling at east coast with joel, cherry, jo and darius...
backtrack a bit and i haf to mention that i went down to school in anticipation of an important lesson, but was sorely disappointed... its a long story. but the crux is that cherry, yingting, mel and i upped and left for plaza sing to buy sonicflood cds and to subway/kfc at far east to buy lunch...
got sonicflood's autograph on my copy of "cry holy"
planetshakers performed again, but the stars of the nite were sonicflood...
1 hour of energetic dancing and music, and i think all of us there were really moved...
i was with abby, deb, dan, jake, jansen and their friend for the first half, then joined jo, cherry and mel & her friends later...
mel has these two friends who, when standing next to each other, provide for a stark contrast...
john chan was this really enthu jumping-clapping person, while john yeo was so quiet and unmoving next to him...
ppl of my namesake can be so strange sometimes... x)
but what really struck me was that i saw so many ppl i have not even contacted for years...
sean was there with mark bala and mark lui, both of whom i haven't toked to since last year...
jia lin was there... (i'm not evil!)
ryan lim and isaiah peh were there, both my sec 1 classmates...
justin chiam the fellow choirster was there...
some primary schoolmates who went to barker, whose names i've sadly forgotten...
and russell kang!!! we were classmates in p5, but then he moved to 6.8, and then to barker, so i never really got to see him...
i did see him once in 2003 in barker on my way to one of the first dep sessions, when he was with isaac loh...
then once more this year while i was on a 171 passing by the barker bus stop to town...
so seeing him and waving and we being able to recognize each other after 3 years is pretty amazing...

last nite brought back memories both sweet and sorrowful, dating back all the way to my days in acjs...
6 years around the same ppl does that to you... i can clearly remember many of the more prominent ppl in the level, but haf forgotten some of my classmates... (not those from 6.9 coz most are in acsi)
i can remember seeing the head prefect antony chee boon kiat (how can i still remember??!!) outside barker in 2003...
and of course those ppl who are in aci... all of them have changed so so much, and i guess so haf i...
*adriel once wrote in a christmas card that aci had done something to me, though he wasn't sure for better or worse... i can't quite answer that either...*
the only person i'm still really close to now is seb koh, and we've been friends since p5... we used to haf these really long phone convos i remember... hahas... but sec school threw us into busy lives, so free time was more or less non-existent...
sometimes i also imagine what it would have been like had i gone into another school... ya'll may noe that i didn't do as well as i had expected for the psle, which is a good thing... coz if i had gotten any higher i would haf applied to ri... but what would it haf been if i had gone there? or if i had gone to vs or barker? (mich keeps telling us about the lucrative debate scholarship and book prizes)
i would haf met and bonded with different ppl, but would i haf had as much fun and experiene as i had in aci?

this morning i met cherry and jo for breakfast at macs at ps before going to sonicfest day 3...
the early part was uneventful and rainy, so nothing much happened till about 1 plus...
even then, the bands were quite lousy, so we went to han's at park mall for tea...
mel and dan met us back at fort canning, but there still wasn't much to do...
the good stuff like sonicedge and sonicflood were only taking place at nite, so we sat near the stairs to the village eating salad...
*i must mention that after that i saw jia lin and she was like "i wanna draw fruits... let's draw strawberries!"*
mel, john yeo, dan and i went to explore fort canning... basically just walked and walked... came back to the point where we started... we were so bored to the point of going to macs at ps to just sit down...
in many ways it was really awkward for all of us, coz we were all only connected by two degrees of friendship via mel, except that i noe dan as a debater and john yeo as another ac guy, so hmmm...

left for ac drama nite...
met up with tim chan and jeremy and joseph wong...
decided to be these kiasu pigs and rush in when the doors opened and get the best seats in the cpa... (2nd row from front)
jin, jlo, daniel (gep omers from div two team last year, now in the div three team, replacing me, andrew and rayan), peter and collin ho came...
we were writing dhanesh's birthday card before the show and during the interval...
the show itself was nothing to cheer about, and it really didn't measure up to the standard set last year...
but props go to all the drama ppl, both actors and crew...
problem with the play was that there were alota inside jokes, many of which only the drama or om ppl understood...
and the bird costumes (the majority of the characters) were like an almost-replica of my om costume last year, peacock feathers included...
dhanesh of course managed to bring across the whole lame thing across really well, with the indian accent and all...
oh and the random out of point songs were quite badly done... they really didn't serve any purpose, and some of the actors, no offence, really couldn't sing... they parodied the star wars theme song (which i'm sure sam must haf cringed at) and sweet child of mine...
tim and i were trying our best not to laugh when jordan was singing/dancing... hahas...
after the show we did the whole congratulation thingum, and i saw many of the om ppl of this year... rayan, andrew, joshua cao and gang... *jc: singapore is sooo sexy*
really brought back memories...
went for supper at kap with tim, daniel, jlo, jeremy and jin...
chatted alot with daniel on the bus there...
he's one of the friendliest ppl i've come to noe...
they told me all the silly stuff they did in colorado this year, plus all the silly lame jokes a la om...
and then they were like "come back to ac to do om lah, screw nj"
so that's where the second part of my reflections stemmed from...

its been 10 months since i made my decision to come to nj...
the nite before i told my friends in school, i was still all 50-50 between ib and ip...
so i weighed things out over and over again...
in the end, the real reason i wanted to leave was because the regimentation of the uyos there...
was that enough justification? up to now i dunno...

i left alot behind in ac... more that i think anyone else who came to the njip...
most of them wanted to get out of their schools coz they didn't fit in or were peeved ppl/teachers etc...
but my life in ac was perfect, save for the uyo thing...
everything was really falling into place *miche says hi!* *welcome to the china club* *jake rox* *write one para for deb soon*
i had a future in the choir, the best teammates i could haf in debate, and a chance to go to the US again to *adriel's talking nonsense again!* compete at the world finals of om, and my academics had peaked when i got my 10 As...

i'm now in nj, and though i'm not top ten in the level (coz of the 20 scholars who took up the first 20 placecs), there are things that make me grateful...
jo, cherry, mel, and some of the other classmates who are awesome...
but i only haf one cca and a B div trophy, compared to *adriel is begging miche, which is a first*
compared to the last two years of syf accolades and world silvers and such, its really not much...
plus i cannot help but think about what i could haf gotten if i had stayed in ac...
debating with paul and sam and getting A div champs?
om-ing with tim, coll, dhanesh, jc and gang doing stupid stuff and singing american idol songs...
getting syf gold with the choir...
sometimes i still harbour thoughts about returning to ac, but how possible is that? i really dunno...

this post goes out to team C, OM '04 and ppl i've left in ac..
also to my friends in nj whom i've been so blessed to noe...
and to deb, coz she's asked me to dedicate a para to her... hi deb!!!!! :D

you can take the boy out of ac, but you can't take ac out of the boy...

8 years does that to you sometimes...
jlc.

just came back from day 1 of soncifest '05...
it rocked!!!
the planetshakers are amazing in person...
never knew a live band could sound SOOO good, as good as in the studio...

went with jo and cherry... (i was not late!)
after visiting the village, we went to watch surreal perfrom...
met abby, jake, lionel, jansen, kenneth and another guy i dun recognize (HI GUYS!!)
toked a bit before going to the front of fort canning to get ready to jump for the planetshakers songs...
always and forever, running after you, not ashamed, great and mighty, rain down, reflector...

went to buy food + drinks before going to get autographs...
chatted more to jansen, abby and jake on the stairs...
we spoke a bit of chinese... x)
got the autograph for cherry's cd, coz we're only allowed one item per person...

can't wait for sonic flood tomo!!!
oh i bought the sonicfest tee... really nice...
hope to see you guys there!!
john-.

midweek...
tuesday's activities were pretty boring
i dun think i was concentrating coz of my cold
haf been blowing my nose non-stop
*sniff*
didn't go to school today to sleep it off
hopefully i'll be well by tomo to go for sonicfest!
haf to write a story outline and a poem for ho poh fun's two writing courses
took the face analyser thingum mel put on her blog
i'm surprised that it IS quite accurate
minus the income par (i dun plan to earn less than 50k!!)

to lose control
john-.

monday again!
went to school at 7-ish expecting james lim's exploring less mainstream music lecture to start on time...
went to class first, and realized that the assembly was gonna take uber long...
so read my book, played bridge, yada yada till 830 before going for the lecture...
a relaxing, non-brain-exhausting lecture... listened to the older songs by bands like weezer and fountains of wayne...
lunched with mel and darius...
it was a half-day for the jc ppl, so it was relatively quiet...
had the lecture on machiavelii next... *better cruel than kind*
it lasted half the stipulated time only, so decided to go to library@orchard to look for books to buff up my IH essay...
"war and society are mutually affecting entities"
the statement which i suggested to be our assignment topic (albeit shortened by the teachers, urgh)
i haven't actually started writing, so i think its time to panic!! *AHHH!!!*
trying to finish my silly chinese assignment...
completed the transcript of our interview...
need to finish 2 projects in record time...
mel, jo, cherry: when are you free????

ok, john needs a vacation,
but has no time for one as yet...

we's be bouncin' flippin' jumpin' jazz funkin' jus do somethin'
jlc.

i dun update for 2 days and already my tagboard is flooded with messages to update...
hahas... i'm flattered that ppl actually read my blog so regularly... x)

school-less thursday, went to meet jo and cherry for dinner at j8...
looked at the straits times 160th anniversary foto exhibition...
signed the weird book to praise the straits times... hahas...
friday had flash... so so boring, but at least the stuff that was being taught was easy...
played bridge in class during break...
shopped at kino after the course...
bought "To Kill a Mockingbird" and sean's bday present...
chatted till 1-ish online with casiNO ppl...

woke up way too early for a saturday to support the ac ppl at hc invites...
couldn't find the room for awhile until i bumped into auyong, and we looked for ushers to guide there...
missed the first 3 speeches...
ac won first round against mg...
josh hiew, hoe and some others were there...
prepped the motion for team two while the teams were doing so..
they lost to ri though... but there was lots of stuff hiew and i were thinking about that could haf made the debate go the other way...
lunched before round 3...
they won cat high (bryan has really cool style =)), broke third, against hci in the semis on weds...

rachel chung brought auggie, hiew and i plus the team out to macs...
went off to the east after that...

some things are better left unsaid
to keep the case concealed..
jlc-.

did i mention how nice one tree hill is?
coz its much much better than any other soap opera-esque show there is these days...
FAR better actors...
i think it surpasses smallville and the oc even...
and rock star inxs is really cool! alota them are as talented as the AI finalists...
*wednesdays are tv days*

went for photoshop yesterday with jo and cherry...
mel was in kusu island where she got dunked by joel...
boring, but more tolerable than ppt...
wonder how flash is gonna fare...
had finance for teens at 8 in the morning...
skipped assembly while waiting for cherry...
i'm pretty sure all the lecturers there were christians...
they said alota stuff like true wisdom comes from God etc... hmmm... not that i'm complaining... x)
neways, there were these adamantly anti-consumer characters with laptops and O2 handphones... ironic?
did lots of maths in our neighbouring class (coz it was kinda noisy in our's for some reason) before lunching with jo and cherry and yingting...
went for new media journalism by joanne teoh.. watched nice video clips...
did MORE maths in 04ip01 (coz we really couldn't be bothered to move)...
jo went for hockey, cherry and i did maths somemore, then we left, me for home, she for piano...

no school again tomo...
a sleepy racial harmony day it shall be...
meeting the rollerbladers for dinner...

21st july
smile adriel..
you deserve it..
its more like this
=)

glad there wasn't any school today...
didn't sleep soundly after watching minority report coz it kept me awake thinking... hate it when things do that to me at nite...
woke up at 5 this morning after falling asleep at 2...
couldn't really fall asleep again till 6 plus and even then i woke up 3 hours later...
decided to just get up...
the day went by in this very sleepy manner...
all my resolve to do as much work as possible did not come to pass...
watched oprah and other housewive shows, read, ate, went online...
i actually comtemplated napping again, but that would haf been way too piggy for me...
did a minimal amount of maths, and i'm shocked that i've been stumped by this idiotic trigo identity i cannot solve...

going for an 8-hour photoshop thingum tomo with jo and cherry...
i really hope its not gonna be as boring as ppt...

its me against the world,
and i haf this sinking feeling that the world's winning...
john-.

watching minority report made me think so much about the idea of profecies and the root of their occurence... the whole concept of self-fulfilment was pretty scary... makes me remember the nite at church camp where josh, sam and i were toking about this...
churched as per normal, but i kind of sat alone during worship coz i forgot that adriel was down with the shingles, sam was ushering, jake was playing and josh was still sleeping...
played for children's ministry worship...
rushed down to pass miche her ipod (at long last) before she went for a b'day party...
walked with jake and his guitar back to his place...
sam was there already... *josh was still sleeping*
read mags, my new nicholas sparks book, old ac yearbooks etc...
very relaxing...
sam left, jake and i had lunch in front of star wars episode 2...
josh woke up to join us...
watched the deleted scenes from the original movie and this "connections" thingum which was a brief history of the entire star wars saga...
played with my mac's translator...
learnt new french words.. hahas... x)

dun haf school tomo coz haf no enrichment activities...
*sleepsleepsleep*
and do work of course...

thanks jake and josh for the really relaxing time at ur place today...
yay josh, u did good!
john-.

i really can't help but wonder sometimes
where does one stand in the grand scheme of things..
not in terms of a universal, global plan
but on a scale that is in relation to that person..
does one really noe his position?
i dun think so...

had film discourse yesterday...
must say its the best of all the activities so far...
we got to watch short bits of some really classic movies...
the godfather, kill bill 2, charlie chaplin silent films, saving private ryan etc...
played cards in class till lunch...

there's a love that can fall down like rain..
let the goodness wash away the pain..

interviewed a sociologist for spire today...
nus' vice-dean for arts and social sciences...
lots of thought-provoking ideas to ponder...

do u believe?
do u really think it's how it seems?
someone must have lied..

went to tea chapter in chinatown...
was sitting at the same table as mel, jo, cherry, darius, jade, lou and some others...
we made tea a few times, then ran out of water...
started buying all the tea ice cream puffs, tea eggs and biscuits...
quite tasty...
and mel was trying to touch the flame that kept the teapot warm...

what's the deal man...
can't quite stand much more of it..
i need some explanations..

going to support josh at semis tomo...
at that uluated pj again...
(yay josh again!)

i honestly don't noe...
but there's no doubt that i want to,
and soon.

john-.

the contrast of the past two days could not have been greater if i were in india yesterday and china today...
went for some strange powerpoint course yesterday, which the prospectus promised to be advanced...
it turned out to be things we already kinda knew, so 8 hours of useless stuff is really not what i was hoping for... uber boring... at least could chat to jo, jolynn and cherry...
talked and waited for mel in the canteen and walked through the flooded pathway to get home...

went to school at 930 for the movie today...
a normal documentary by all standards, just with lots of swearing and screaming...
chatted with yingting, cherry and jo, played speed in the classroom and waited for mel to finish...
went to jo's house to change before going to ps to watch the fantastic 4...
not as good a movie as i was hoping, but with 2 really good looking actors/-tresses...
went to carrefour to buy stuff and then ate downstairs at those countertops...
walked to the station with mel to go home while the mg girls sampled more free food...

interview with a sociologist on friday...
film discourse early tomo...
*need to do so much more work*

save me from this place...
heaven knows i've fallen for you..
john-.

just watched the finale of desperate housewives...
alot of questions were answered and so much more to hope for in the next season...

wasn't at home for the entire weekend...
sat went to pj to support josh at the jcdcs...
congrats on the wins and BS...
all the best for weds...
had dinner with sam, paul, mich and josh at sakae lot 1...
stayed over at sam's house...
watched sam play alota half life two...
*josh gets motion sick when watching ppl play fps*
sam had worship prac in the morning, so josh and i went back to his place for a while...
woke jake up... *he has really obvious tan lines from sailing*
after church we hung out in the rol toying with the instruments for a bit...
went over to josh's place again before heading to acjc...
they were having advanced interviews...
tunched with miche and josh at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao...
had a drink at essential brews with miche... sat upstairs at the cushion-ey place...
toked alot...
bus-ed over to acsi for the choral foa performance...
*paul got his duties mixed up, so went down for nothing*
not a bad performance, though in the first half alot of the songs were repeats from our repertoire of last year...
*the prc thingum in the second half was one of the STRANGEST things i've witnessed in my life*
not a bad show overall...
first half sat with nj ppl and paul chuan/jovel & co...
then went upstairs to sit with my last year's om teammates...
we were screaming and laughing like crazy... *vijibabe!*
saw alota ppl i haven't seen in a while...
thanks seb for passing me the ticket and thanks han an for getting it for me!
toked to tim chan alot after the performance...
om this year sounded so much more exciting...
not sure if i'm gonna do next year... iowa... x)

enrichment week just started...
a boring first day...
aeromed was a bit cool with the simulator...
*weiliang felt like puking after that*
hope tomo's better...

john-.

i've done something i've not done in a long time last ntte...
i fell asleep at 7pm without eating dinner...
and only woke up this morning at 8-ish...
wasn't actually planning to do it, coz its a friday nite, usually used for catching up with ppl you haven't seen during the week and for chatting all through to the weekend...

had this maths test yesterday, which technically wasn't major, but it felt like we were taking some huge exam...
cherry, jo, yingting and i bought lunch back to class and were studying all through that period...
i was too nervous to even finish half my lunch...
in the lt, i was almost shivering from nerves and jo, joel, and cherry were all wishing ppl all the best...
the paper itself was by no means difficult, but it requires a bit of time before the method actually hits you...
unfortunately for me, it took longer than i expected, and thus couldn't complete question 2, the one on substitution and factorisation of cubic equations...
felt so resigned when james lim said stop writing, coz i was rushing against him to finish that queastion...
probably lost like 4 marks there... so i dun think i'll be getting really high this time round...
had practical after that, where we played with radioactive substances...
went back to class to pack before enrichment week and eat what's left of my lunch...

won't be in class for the next three weeks...
but there's a hell of alota work to finish...
2 essays, 2 projects, one silly chinese assignment and lots of maths...
*and i'm supposed to teach bridge to jo and cherry...*

was really shaken by thursday's blasts in london...
was watching bbc through the nite...
glad that celle, who's in wales, wasn't touring london at that point in time...
and to david lu, haf a safe trip!

going to watch jcdc's later...
(yay josh!)

the usual mindless chatter,
john-.

london 2012!
i was orginally supporting nyc coz of the proposed complex in manhatten, but i guess it was obvious that wither paris or london was gonna win...
looking forward to 2012 already...
especially after beijing 2008... not sure how its gonna be like there... x)
interesting how most of the lobbbying sportsmen would haf long retired by 2012, and would not haf a chance to compete...

been studying for the ma1102 test this friday...
we haf a makeup lesson tomo...
really really stressed out for the test...
i need it to ensure my grade for maths...
hopefully both my maths marks won't pull down my GPA...

we got back the progress report today (while rushing to pay for enrichment week)
i deproved, though fortunately not as much as some others...
i'm really thankful that i'm still in the 3.7 range...
congrats mel for improving!!! =)
(some ppl just won't tell anyone else their grade, and its probably even higher than mine, but they keep saying how low it is... so irritatingly mysterious)

you see that man looking out the window?
the one at the deli beside the road...
he appears contemplative, almost detached from the cappucino on the table...
what do you think he's pondering?
his eyes give no clue...
only a steely gaze that seems to pass through even the pillar in front of him...
it might be easily mistaken for a cool, nonchalant exterior...
no!
there are emotions running wild within him...
but he cannot show it...
he doesn't noe how...
all he gives you is a weak smile...
faux bravado to conceal the inner maelstrom...
the tsunami of the mind.

is there a way to learn what people around you really think?
john-.

i'm in a bit of a mess rite now...
just talked to chih yuan on msn yesterday and apparently my latest maths test is a flop... i did realize that i used the wrong trigo identity for the first question and didn't get the last 3 answers for the second question, so i'll probably get 6/15...
but does that really warrant him asking me questions as if this maths test results signifies a bad point in my life?
not saying that i'm proud of this horrendous grade.. its gonna jeopardize my chances of an A, what with the B i got for the term test last semester...
and i'm supposed to present the solution to the most difficult part of a trigo graph question... (why me??!) coz of all the 11 questions i can do all of them but that one!! argh..
and there's this question in the ma1102 assignment that's bugging me...
cherry's can get the answer but i can't, so haf to check with her tomo...
so yeah, my work is a bit on the low side, but it cannot continue...

we had another spire meeting at mel's place today.. =)
u haf no idea how crazy mg girls are till u see jo and cherry...
and on spire, there's SOO much stuff left undone still...
gonna haf to work thru the 3 weeks of enrichment...

stressed out in a tiniest bit (or so i hope)
john-.

fl anniversary yesterday...
pretty cool worship, mediocre food, nice videos...
laughed alot with mich when they started playing "i walk by faith" at this uber fast pace... x)

churched with mich at the 830 service...
sam, adriel and jake only came for the 1030 one...
mich and i went over to josh's place to keep him company since he overslept...
lunched at sakae at the heeren with mich and david lu...
spent alota time toking in kino next to the john steinback books...
saw this really cool 6 year old kid outside paragon busking...
and he was playing a full drum set accompanying "hear our praises" by hillsongs...
it was awesome! he's so talented can...
mich has a video of it on her phone which we must show adriel...

happy youth day tomo!
john-.

TGIF...
looking forward to a weekend where i can take a break...
its been a hectic first week...
and there's work that needs to be done...
mainly our project...
so many ideas, so little time...

after meeting stella koh, our project mentor, we sat at the staircase in the atrium discussig what our final product should be...
and ended toking about everything under the sun...
the hotels, waterpolo, future vocations etc...
chatted for over an hour...
was really relaxing... thanks mel, jo, cherry!

i completely blanked out and forgot to reply to joanna tng's message about tonite's worship prac... so not sure if i'll be going for the anniversary thingy tomo...

much ado about nothing
john-.